I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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