making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
