Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
