There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
