How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
