i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
