piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
