kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
