remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
