I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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