I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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