She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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