We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
