btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
