I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
