I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
