how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
