So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
