I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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