I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
