My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
