just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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