Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
