gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
