The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
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Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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