So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
