how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
