i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
