I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
