So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
