Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
