cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
