youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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