Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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