Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
