So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
