i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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