oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
