if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
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But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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