there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
