sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
