when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
