I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just want nice things and good sex
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
