by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
FUCK WHALES
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
