Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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