Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
