just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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