All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
