i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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