Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
