call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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