I wish I only lived at night.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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