Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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