She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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