I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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