And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
