and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
