I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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