Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
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so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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