Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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