I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize