I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
