im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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