Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
