this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
