My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
