My balls are so social today.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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