Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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