She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
