Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
