Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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