I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
two words: eviction party
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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