Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
