yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
