So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
