i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
