Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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