just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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