I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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