I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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