my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
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Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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