dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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