All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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