did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
