I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
