I just pynch a tree in the face
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's never too late to be topless.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
